Becoming A Billionaire in 6 Simple Steps Number 3 Will Absolutely Not Shock You’

Phil La Duke
4 min readSep 28, 2019

By Phil La Duke

These days the gap between the ultra-rich and the rest of us is growing rapidly. It is said that money can’t by happiness but it’s also true that poverty can’t buy anything. (Besides, any billionaire worth his salt will tell you it’s always smarter to lease happiness.) If you are currently poor and happy struggling to meet your daily needs, well good for you, but for those of you who aspire to a better life I offer these insanely simple steps to becoming a billionaire. If this sounds too good to be true, take a hard look at the billionaires and you will find that a good many followed my formula and to a person it worked out for them. What’s more, these steps towards becoming a billionaire are so insanely easy that in most cases you don’t have DO anything you simply have to BE something. So here goes:

  1. Be born to billionaire parents. One of the easiest, and surest ways of becoming ultra wealthy is to be the child of ultra wealthy parents, and the best thing about it is all you have to do is survive a childhood of privilege. My advice is to stay away from dangerous sports — like anything remotely close to an equestrian pastime. Horses, even very wealthy horses, tend to hate the ultra rich and will do their best to kill them. And ponies? Apart from hating all humanity they also have a chip on their shoulders about not being horses; avoid them at all costs
  2. Be white. Being white can be tricky — especially now that we have things like Ancestry.com or National Geographic both of whom will run your DNA and screw up your country club application in a heartbeat. I had mine done and after a lifetime of being French and German I found out I’m half Viking with the remainder being a soup of Jewish, Italian, Irish, and English, oh and a little French. So now I can’t wear the kicky blue beret I bought in Paris or use the Fleur-Di-Lis wax seal I would use to rub my Frenchness in the noses of the other ethnic types when I sent out Christmas cards (and now Hanukkah cards as well.) So if you can be white — and in this age of DNA chicanery, STAY white — it’s a great step toward being a billionaire. And to all you White Supremacists don’t hide behind “I don’t want to the government to have my DNA. The truly white aren’t afraid that…

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Phil La Duke

Author of “I Know My Shoes Are Untied. Mind Your Own Business”, “Lone Gunman. Rewriting the Handbook on Workplace Violence Prevention”, and “Blood on my hands